elf attack

I have the irrational fear of elves attacking my feet as I sleep. I am not frightened of robbers or murders but for some reason my brain thinks that the right thing to worry about is mythological creatures with a foot fetish.
Yes, I would love to see what that says about me in my physiological profile.

one is the loneliest

I recently moved 700 miles away from the town I grew up in, I'm not quite certain if 700 miles is actually that far away on the scale of distances, but it is at least far enough away that I can not go home sporadically.

 Here are a few things I have noted in moving to a new place:

• People fake interest in the fact you are new like a Broadway starlet... I actually don't have anything for that I thought I was going somewhere with a joke, but I have nothing. Maybe if I was funnier people would like me more.
• One way streets are ninjas, they appear out of nowhere and just when you feel safe driving your car BAM, they show up and make you feel foolish for looking both ways before you cross. 
• Nature is trying to kill your car and the small furry things, the large feathered things, and the even larger horned things are OUT TO DESTROY.
• Despite your best efforts not to appear strange, you will stand out, especially if you try oh-so-very-hard not to appear so.

After a week of hiding in your bedroom with limited human interaction when you do meet someone, you will feel like this:

Mama always said that "on your knees is never a good way to make friends"

I think my problem is that I lack any kind of social grace that is recognized by American culture, maybe someplace in Papa New Guinea, but defiantly not California. I fail to see the line of  "Too much information" and "Getting to know someone" that I am fairly sure scares people away before the realize that my kind of crazy is not criminal but fun!